how to fool security

So the security guys know me pretty damn well now. Come to work everyday for many moons and the faces become rather familiar. They feel for me when i pop in over the week-ends to get stuff done and dig it that i ride to work fairly often too.


Clearly some suit in an office above me sent out a directive, because now we all get checked for our access cards on arrival. Remember we're military stuff here, so it's supposed to be top secret, 'no unauthorised access' to get in the buildings anyway. So I walk through the gate and Joshua holds out his hand as if he's got an access card between his thumb and forefinger. It's an obvious way to say, 'show me your card, please'.

(it'll be much easier if you think about guys trying to tell stories about the size of fish they caught right here). This morning I took both hands and held them a foot apart, and said:
“hayi, madoda. wena makhwenkhwe, Joshua?” and i then changed my hand to 'holding the access card' and pointed at him.

Sello and Piet (the other two guards at the gate) just canned themselves. I walked straight past with them not noticing that i'd left my card at home.

Some of the whiteys out there might need an explanation, but i hold no responsibility to the accuracy of these facts:
madoda – post initation, ie. A Man who has come of age
makhwenkhwe – pre initiation, ie still a boy. If a Xhosa male does not go through his initiation ritual, then he can still be considered a makhwenkwe, no matter what the age.

It's a great way to get rid of the car guards, but doesn't seem to work on the Congolese dudes.

Elgin, we have a problem