SA's #1 town

Team Deep South are on location in one of the coolest little dorpies around(if you believe Engen) for the loooooong week-end. To escape the 'razzi we're shacked up in a little corner of Thesen's Island, accessible only by boat (or car if you can work out how to get past security).



Due to a massive oversight the trip was double booked with The Pink Loerie Mardi Gras, and the town will just have to be shared with muscle tops, feather boas and peroxide pink. The excursion to Zanzibar was attempted, only becuase the National Drag Finals and ensuing 'Muscle Party' was to be held elsewhere. Needless to say, Steve and Dirk did not win the R1000 in the Walk off, and some thespian with a Hawaain shirt and limp wrist stole the show. Why they replace the foosball table with a ramp is still beyond us.

The discrening will have realised that this is a covert training trip for the July Oyster Invasion where the focus remains on finishing the most events with the most litrage of Mitchells possible.



Further to this a recce was conducted up Homtini Forest with not 1,2,3 but 8 mountain bikes. Woose dave decided that suspension, maps or common sense were for the weak and did a solo effort, 5 minutes ahead of the pack. the rest of us made it round the forest, fynbos and jeep tracks in style. In short, if you're coming here, bring a bike.

She'sh no longer a loser

Team Shosholoza has started to hit the headlines, first they led the 11th richest man in the world and his fancy BMW team round the course on Sunday before, dare i say it, choking. Then the big win against one of the 'Big Three' on tuesday against Luna Rossa/Prada.

If you got the time/bandwidth i can definitely recommend live sailing.

If a few bones land our way, there' the outisde chance of sneaking in at the semi's..if that happens, or even comes close, you'll hear about it here

POPquiz, Who was the first person to appear on SA television?

Sometimes you need the perspective of an outsider to truly appreciate the bizarre. So yes I was reminded the other day in a discussion by a little known, but very flippen amazing fact.The first program (once they got bored of the test signal) on SA television in 1976 was in fact the news. 'Die Nuus' to be correct, and the newsreader was none other than...Riaan Cruywagen! The biggest news item of the day was,.. well Television and the SABC.Somehow this evergreen spritely chap has managed to survive through the last 30+ years (with the same hairdo, nogal).

Anyway his contract actually got terminated in 2003, but a massive outcry from a whole host of tannies got him back, and he plods on, sure as ever. I'm sure they were contemplating a newscaster more along these lines. A brief web search brought me to the fact that just like Steve Hofmeyer, he could in fact be the next Chuck Norris:

Riaan Cruywagen is fluent in twenty seven of the eleven official
languages.

Riaan Cruywagen knows the news before it happens.

Riaan Cruywagen had a telekinetic showdown with Johan Stemmet. After
draining all of Stemmet's powers and rendering him severely retarded, he
created Noot vir Noot and made Stemmet the host.

Some people believe Riaan Cruywagen wears a toupee - he has, in fact,
one perfect hair. The one that covers his entire head - giving it that,
'not quite real' look. Riaan himself is not quite real.

One night during an ad break on the 8 o'clock news, Riaan Cruywagen
mentioned to the makeup lady that he was 'tired of this apartheid
nonsense'. Nelson Mandela was released from prison the next day.

After reading the news Riaan Cruywagen built the pyramids. It took
precisely 17 minutes to draw up the plans and then a further six minutes
to think them into existence.

skip a heartbeat

The big problem with being a gadget freak, is that by the time you have all the toys the first ones are already outdated. I only manage to suppress this never-ending cycle of big-ticket purchases by being a card carrying cheapskate. The brand of beer do I drink is mostly dependent on this week's specials.

I have an extremely unscientific approach to training, don't be fooled by the fact that I call it the Nike approach. In the hallowed PR manna I have the 'Just Do it' scheme to uber-fitness.
RUN when you feel like it, for as long as you want
RIDE when its not too windy and the bike isn't broken
PADDLE if its not too cold (or windy)
SWIM if, and only if, there's a swimming leg in an upcoming event
REST when lazy, or too busy with other stuff like boozing
EAT when hungry and whatever is around (but stay away from that over-priced ORGANIC crud)

I've been doing the boardwalk to fishhoek and back for a while, and have started exploring the Kalk Bay Mtn trails a bit more now. It does get dark and dodgy at times and there's definitely more chance of getting mugged than shark attacks in False Bay. I would feel for my potential attackers, be they next to the Kalk Bay Night Shelter or hiding in a bush near Weary Willies in the mountains, as all they could really get is a pair of shoes and my R100 Xonix stopwatch (only fools and Germans go running with their Ipods – it's like a 'Kick me!' sign on your back). All that for a daring attack on a sweaty runner?

So as part of my general community outreach program, I think I'll go running with more hardware and candy for the southern suburbs muggers. Once again Ipod is not an option, it's like pursuing a hottie and getting into her pants at first attempt, there's plenty more fun in the chase. Now there can be no bigger gimmick that possibly, just maybe, has a use than the modern day Heart-Rate Monitor (HRM). I'm fairly active and seem to be fine without one. But hey let's kill two birds with one stone here, and who knows I might never leave the house without a black band strapped around my chest ever again.

So, after a bit of consultation with some well known users, lets see what's on the market.

Polar – The original, and apparently best. Yip, these Finns know their BPM's and invented the whole wristwatch heartrate effort thingy in the first place. Now there's a huge range (~R600 - R4000) but remember I'm looking from a gadget techie freak view here, so lets start from the top.

The S625x and S725x are running/cycling but have the same software/features. The 6 comes with a footpod so you can track how far you have run, the 7 comes with bike speed and cadence sensors. You can buy these accessories separately and they all work. Bargain on R5000 if you want all the gizmos.

The cool banana's stuff is the ability to download and save your session, check this out from Stu:



Gimmick this is not, very very useful. My only regret is that
a)they're just too popular(in a Nokia kind of way)
b)they look cr@p – even the carbon one is too plasticky and the big RED button has to go

***********************
Suunto – the inventors of the compass (both needle and digital) got involved in watches only recently and have really done well. The boy downunder runs a T6 model, which is similar in functions to the Polars mentioned. They of course have a compass, and the cool option of getting a gps pod as well. Once again a kidney might have to be donated to get all the bells and whistles. They also give you the option of updating firmware on the thing, so Timmie definitely hacks into his, still waiting to see if he can load Tetris onto it.



They're quite a cutting edge range, and even stole my idea of golf watches, and cater from divers to downhill skiers looking good in the process.

***********************

Garmin – The forerunner range is quite legendary in speed wind/kitesurfing circles/(gybes?) for their ability to plot tracks. The problem was that they were still quite large (ducttape a space case to your arm kinda large). Well the latest is the 305, and it's starting to look like a watch (but still the size of a tape measure really) and it comes with....a chest belt for HRM features. Never heard of anyone using them, but they're quite innovative and normally end up ass fu(king you for map costs. Main problem is that you still look like Urkel with a chunky thing that you can't wear to the office with out a pocket protector, but they come in at R3200 which is rather decent.

***********************

there's a few new players trying to get in the market as the technology becomes more developed and cheaper. One of them is Timex, the dudes who patented their Indiglo blue backlight. They have some deal with Ironman and have done HRM as well now. Luckily I managed to win one of their entry level units and am currently testing the bad boy. On first impressions it's cr@p, doesn't even have a stopwatch and there's no way I'd spend the retail R700 for it, but who knows might come in handy.

***********************
My final option is that dad is currently in China doing some garage door business, he's got carte blanche to find me something cheap and nasty..lets see what comes in from the Shenzen Trade fair!

There's a few places to find these things locally, these seem to be the best
Due South and
Marvuli who have a really good price on the Polar S625x, which comes with the footpod.

Robbie makes his debut

Avid followers of these exploits will remember that the last trusty bike was disposed of a while back. Well it took a while but a replacement has been found with much interweb searching, visits to every LBS and a detailed analysis on the Bicycling 2007 buyers guide (with highlighted entries everywhere).

Well now I get to introduce my latest friend, Robbie the Rockhopper. He comes from esteemed lineage as Specialized have been running the model for 25 years now. Without getting too technical we're talking lots of the fun upgrades since the DiamondBack rolled off the shopfloor 7 years ago – 100mm of travel, remote lockout and hydraulic discs. He also had the same colour options as the Model-T, so looks fhaaast.



As we've all heard from the one-balled oneder, It's not about the bike. So where better to test than last Sunday's provincial race at Buitenverwachting? Now being a virgin at Provincials, I was not sure what really to expect, but I did know that there wouldn't be many fun-riders hanging around. The area is my backyard, as my parents are round the corner and many a run has been had through these very vineyards. Cleverly I signed up for the intermediate men and would be doing 4 loops of the 6.4km/220m altitude course (the REAL men do 6). Oh yes, lets forget about being all happy about a new bikes here, the serious guys have pretty good rides, full sussers all over the place, and Sara prancing around in a very fancy pancy sponsored superlight carbon blah blah blah.

The first lap was a real shock to the system, but I managed to stay with the leaders to the top of the singletrack. We came down through the forest with some insane sections in soft sand. The more I forget about the drop-off the better, but lets just say you have about a 20cms gap between a gaping sharp bolder and a rock solid treetrunk. It's straight downhill and there's a bout 10 guys with cameras waiting for a wipe-out. The organiser's father dislocated his shoulder getting down it 15 mins before our start....charming. Well luckily I punctured on the third lap which took me out of contention and gave me a good excuse when, to be honest, I actually got mocked. Yes, Sara overtook me on the second lap, Go Girl!

OK, you might have heard about the milkwood, you might not have. It comes highly recommended and I don't advise on cr@p races. This has got to be one of the most special out and back courses around. It's this Sunday, so enter before the 19th here.

In other news, of course we one the sailing, and well how's this for a fun evening. SA lose closely to England on Tuesday will make windies run rate of -1.2, SA -0.2 and Eng +0.1 an affair of getting calculators out at the bar, with all three times picking the lucky semi against the ozzies. Just to get into the spirit of things. Go here to download your Kevin Pietersen dartboard and stick it up at work.

Close to the wind

Well I do hope we all got quite excited during last week’s Luis Vuitton Act 13, Colin even started an ‘I love Shosholoza’ group on facebook. The Shosholoza boys achieved the set objective in getting the extra bonus point. It’s a little pity that the germans don’t know their starboard from port, right from left and smashed +39’s mast to pieces. The damn pasta pirates got redress for the rest of the regatta and carried a bonus point too now. All in all we’re set up for a good fight starting on the 16th, Shosholoza seems to have shaken off the “she’s a loser” tag, but we’re going to do well to come in the top four and get the semi spot. What the hell am I talking about? Jislaaikit chinas, follow the game officially here and otherwise here. I’m going to have to klap the network usage during that time.




Continuing on the same tack we move along from the oldest sporting event to the sailing event for oldies. A year has past and Royal Cape’s Senior’s Race is upon us yet again. Now it’s not often I get to win when on sailboats, but every now and then genuine rockstar status is deservedly thrust upon us. The Senior’s Race is for over 60’s skippering a boat on a pursuit race. Luckily my legend grandfather is 96 this year, making him an absolute shoe-in for the 90+ category as the only entrant. So if me and roughbeard Luke can get Yacht Carousel around the course without incident, whilst Opa can hang onto the wheel and a double Bell’s for long enough then the Ancient Mariner’s trophy will be living in Constantia for yet another year. Then it's on too cheering on the boys against the Kiwi's - great knock yesterday AB! We might be taking on some crew for the event, but don’t worry, we’ll call you. Our elite status affords us the opportunity to pick the finest band of yachtsmen with at least national honours and/or the sweetest blonde deckfluff.
Unfortunately we’ll have to let Conrad Stoltz take the Xterra, caning round the course in 3 and a half was still only going to give me half and hour to get on the boat from Grabouw…..next time baby, next time.

Halfway in the Super Eights and things are looking sweet

So the Bangers slotted us. When it comes down to run rate, you have to pump Ireland and Bangers by plenty, and winning is a given. We can blame the slow pitch with variable bounce, a bad toss decision, 10 days without practice due to rain and no indoor facilities, Hersch continually getting half the team stoned like a rock garden etc etc etc. But we were just plain KAK. The dreaded unofficial ‘quota’ system is even screwing us. Swap Boeta and Johan for Loots and Roger and all of a sudden we have a 15man squad.

But all is not over, class is permanent, despite what our fickle media will tell you. We’re not the #2 side in the world for nothing (ja, we’ve slipped again after Saturday). We annihilated the Windies the last time we were there (with Boeta as the man of the series). The NZ game is 50/50, and well England just really shouldn’t be a match for us. A quick glance at the remaining matches will show that we are masters of our own destiny. We're still number 4 on the log and will go to 2 or 3 if we win our remaining games. Once you're in the semis all that's required is to win the last two games. In a 7 week tournament you have to peak at the right time, it's plain for all to see that we haven't done that yet.

Pollock and Ntini are the #1 and #7 rated bowlers in ODI's. Between them they've taken 8 wickets so far and the team has been carrying them. When they eventually come to the party, no-one else has a chance.

I'm off to the tab to go place a bet on our boys, follow the action from here.

Easter Weekend choccie work off.

It is with a heavy heart that I have to miss WP Dinghy Sailing champs this Easter. For such a sh1twhole, Saldanha sure has some special memories. Who can forget attempted midnight sailing trips to the Casino on university boats, funneling an entire case of beer, 24hour home brew and raucous nights at Captain's with the navy crowd? Let's just hope the boys can come up with the goods and restore some fear into the local's eyes, last year was a decent effort with Rule69 coming into play.


Instead I'll be making my Two Oceans Half Marathon debut on the saturday. Now this one has come up out of nowhere to become a must-do local classic. The actual Ultra has been going for something like 40+ years, and this is just the fifth edition of the half. Look at the route profile carefully folks, what goes up must come down, so pace yourself slowly in the beginning.



I'll be lining up with 10 000 other fools, but there's no fool quite like this guy.
Ray is some dude on a serious mission, you might have seen him dragging 'Tony” around Cape Town before. Tony is his buddy, a 4x4 car tire, attached with a chain. He's done insane stuff like walking to Pretoria and setting up camp on the Union Buildings Gardens. All for shack awareness (and Habitat for Humanity – who I actually secretly despise, they burnt me years back, long story). Can you believe they won't take Herschelle's million dollars from his 6 sixes in an over, because it's from Johnnie Walker!

More importantly in the spirit of running fever it is time to pre-plan some events so get your diary out and tick 'em off. Now you don't see any cr@p events here, if I suggest them, they're worth doing. Click on the highlights for more info.

April 14 – Duesouth Xterra – Grabouw
April 22 – Milkwood Half – Kommetjie
May 18/19/20 – Montagu Muscadel Must-do Festival
June 1/2/3 – Wacky Wine Week-end – Robertson
July 7-14 – Knysna Oyster Festival – Run entries just opened

There'll be a bit more banter in the lead-up, but let me know if you are keen for Montagu and/or Robertson as I'll be booking budget accomodation soon (Robertson is actually already booked).

For those who are not hitting local's night at Captain's Cabin in Saldanha, can I suggest this Gypsey party at the biscuit mill, try keep me away, even Zolani form Freshlyground will be there(cue smashing plates).

Swim with the fishes

Now when I was a wee lad at school, swimming was one thing I could not do. Yes I could reach the other side, but I’d always get the last shower, so to speak. This wasn’t really a problem in sailing, as I NEVER capsized. Anyway, the next fun event with a slight hint of seriousness is next week-end’s Xterra in Grabouw. For some reason they are calling it the SA champs, lets just hope Conrad Stoltz doesn’t decide to rock up and make me cry all over my handlebar.
The menu is:
1.5km swim in Eikenhof Dam
30km mtb all over the forest
12km trail run around the remaining parts of the forest
The astute observer will notice that the swim is probably what’s keeping me awake at night. I’d decided to actually do a bit of swimming this time in the lead-up (surfing doesn’t count, DAMNIT!), and had a few options of pools, oceans and vleis to scout out. In the end I picked out this gem that has me cursing for only discovering at the end of summer!



What you see here is a map of my office and the proximity to Retreat Municipal Pool. Yessirree, 3 minutes away. Now the first time I rock up they are all skeefing me out proper. Who’s this smart white dude coming to our pool? Anyway, I pay my R3.40, have a chat with the security guard and slip into my sexy speedo and goggles. Luckily I’m the only person actually there and the 25m pool with ‘blue as the Bull’s cheerleader’s panties on my floor’ water is all my own. Some of you might have seen Borat’s sexydrownwatch..YouTube it, but it involves his new wife, Luenell the hooker, getting into a Baywatch bikini. If you watch enough Ricki Lake, you will have seen either of the lifeguards at RMP. The way they would save drowning kids would be to just dive into the pool – problem solved, as there’s no water left in the pool once they’re in.
The less I say about my swimming the better, Dael my East German coach decides it’s too late for EPO and gives me a gruelling schedule of circuits with rest breaks inbetween. I am unable to do any of them in the allotted time and quit when I realise the lifeguards are considering rescuing me. All in all it’s a 50 minute exercise that gets me 35 minutes of swimming in, but just has to be avoided in the school holidays unfortunately. Boss, if you’re reading this, now you’ll understand that the red eyes, uncontrollable shivering and wacky hairstyle after lunch have nothing to do with Tik snackwidches.

April Fool's

in a remarkably quiet April Fool's Day (ok, granted I was in the
Swartland, so maybe I missed a lot), my desktop was awakened to this
pearler when I logged on this morning to try recover from a wild three
day week-end.

Follow TiSP lings from google website or try TiSP;, the FAQ's are great too. We
all know that broadband prices in this country are raher cr@p, but
this is pushing it!