Swim with the fishes

Now when I was a wee lad at school, swimming was one thing I could not do. Yes I could reach the other side, but I’d always get the last shower, so to speak. This wasn’t really a problem in sailing, as I NEVER capsized. Anyway, the next fun event with a slight hint of seriousness is next week-end’s Xterra in Grabouw. For some reason they are calling it the SA champs, lets just hope Conrad Stoltz doesn’t decide to rock up and make me cry all over my handlebar.
The menu is:
1.5km swim in Eikenhof Dam
30km mtb all over the forest
12km trail run around the remaining parts of the forest
The astute observer will notice that the swim is probably what’s keeping me awake at night. I’d decided to actually do a bit of swimming this time in the lead-up (surfing doesn’t count, DAMNIT!), and had a few options of pools, oceans and vleis to scout out. In the end I picked out this gem that has me cursing for only discovering at the end of summer!



What you see here is a map of my office and the proximity to Retreat Municipal Pool. Yessirree, 3 minutes away. Now the first time I rock up they are all skeefing me out proper. Who’s this smart white dude coming to our pool? Anyway, I pay my R3.40, have a chat with the security guard and slip into my sexy speedo and goggles. Luckily I’m the only person actually there and the 25m pool with ‘blue as the Bull’s cheerleader’s panties on my floor’ water is all my own. Some of you might have seen Borat’s sexydrownwatch..YouTube it, but it involves his new wife, Luenell the hooker, getting into a Baywatch bikini. If you watch enough Ricki Lake, you will have seen either of the lifeguards at RMP. The way they would save drowning kids would be to just dive into the pool – problem solved, as there’s no water left in the pool once they’re in.
The less I say about my swimming the better, Dael my East German coach decides it’s too late for EPO and gives me a gruelling schedule of circuits with rest breaks inbetween. I am unable to do any of them in the allotted time and quit when I realise the lifeguards are considering rescuing me. All in all it’s a 50 minute exercise that gets me 35 minutes of swimming in, but just has to be avoided in the school holidays unfortunately. Boss, if you’re reading this, now you’ll understand that the red eyes, uncontrollable shivering and wacky hairstyle after lunch have nothing to do with Tik snackwidches.