8 years ago a very wet behind the ears boy arrived in Stellenbosch. He
had a great thirst for the finer things in life – good entertainment,
better wines and the best women. Things might have turned a full
circle, but that thirst remains stronger than ever.
I could never grow tired of Vensters, I see old fogeys traipsing
around the streets, and wonder how many of them have been to every
edition since they were starring eerstejaars 30 years previously. For
the uninformed, Vensters is a massive event on the RAG/Karnaval/Jool
program which is somehow linked to Maties GemeenskapsDiens. In
layman's terms it's a 20 000 person streetparty with 10+ huge outdoor
shows(big lights/sound, big stage/~300 performers). It's free and the
cops turn a blind eye to public drinking and all the other fine things
in life.
I ran out of the office faster than jack flash to hit the Baden Powell
coastal highway to the promised land, only stopping to fill up when I
had driven 30kms on empty light. Luckily my mate Genie has just
registered for his master's so first stop was to shotgun a bed for
later, a spot in the Portapool and hurl abuse at any female walking
past his digs. Pretty soon it was time to get going and see some
shows. Mad rushing was seen as cameras, shoes and the all important
mix was sorted out. I don't trust myself to mix spirits anymore on
nights like this, so loaded up the camelbak with as many beers as it
could fit.
This year's theme was rather lame, Marilyn and Merlin. We were exposed
to lots of fantasy/fairytales mixed with Hollywood stuff. The main
idea is to see as many shows as possible in the beginning, whilst you
can still function properly and remember stuff. The plan was to begin
at the bib gat and work our way north, then follow the clockwise route
around the main res block. No matter what, we were unlikely to run out
of shows to see. The other idea is to be as close to town as possible
come 11pm, when the whole population moves there for just one drink.
In some sort of order we saw(this is a test to see how much I was
concentrating):
[boys/girls – venue – theme - score(remarks)]
medics – bibgat – Wizard of Oz – 6/10 (hot blonde with great rack in the front)
farmers/lydia – neelsie – lord of the bling -3/10(stick to driving tractors)
libertas/? - walkway near dagkak – roulette/horse racing – 7/10(hot
stuff, cool story)
huis marais/? - huis muis – somewhere on the cape flats??? -
8/10(great casting/cool seats)
***INTERMISSION to remix/download some pics***
huis visser/? - huis vis - "botox brussels" - 5/10(good backdrop,
naked men/women ratio far too high - 2nd from the right in front row,
can I get your number?)
helderberg/? - tennis courts – the hof fixes marriages – 5/10 (nice
baywatch scene, but why put the hotties in the back?stupid/
stupid..plus they wouldn't allow open drinks in?huh...what?)
simon/? - simon - ??? 5/10(missed most of it, as it had a bad street
report – but score because of the magic mushroom R10 KFC rounders)
helshoogte/serruria – hellies -charlie and the chocolate factory– 7/10
(insane backdrop/good sound - but jirrah why are these guys always
such wankers?)
eendrag/HTB – one drag – one Knight in Paris – 6/10 (not bad, liked
the canned laughter, great title, ms Hilton was there)
???/Irene – Irene - ????? – 4/10(so bad I had to join the closing
scene- security was shocking)
???/Aristea – Conserve – pop idols – 7/10 (no state to judge by now,
but beergoggles do remind me of some absolute belters)
So all in all we got in 11 shows, which is pretty darn good if you
include the break to resupply on the way. A beeline was made for much
famed Bird Street, scene of many a fair thrash over the years. As
expected town was going off it's tits. Judging by the queues in the
square, it appeared we had already missed the gap. No self respecting
senior queues in his kingdom, so why should we 4 years down the line?
Thus it was time to dominate a bench in Dros and watch the pretty
world go by with a few draughts for company. Despite the fact that we
were drinking out of 500ml glasses, some entrepreneur still tried to
sell us a home made strawnado device for twenty bucks. It'll allow you
to down a beer in a handi glass ridiculously quick, and even came with
a cheapo Karnaval/drink responsibly sticker. Needless to say two were
snappily acquired, as innovation is always rewarded.
Two young bokkies kept us in stitches with their ridiculous inability
to decide which of our group were brothers. Later a bouncer emerged
from the shadows of a tree, complaining that we were invading privacy
by taking so many covert photos(I was seriously pushing the envelope
of decency). Apparently two girls had complained, and the album has
been thoroughly searched to find the guilty parties, but it's really
hard to capture a frown when the whole frame is filled with a pert
ass.
Eventually it was time to hit a dancefloor somewhere, anywhere. The
queue at Tollies was past Mexican Kitchen looking at half an hour.
Following the whole 'refuse to queue' policy, I went up to the doorman
and inquired if he'd ever heard of the dude who fell off the balcony
years back? He nodded and said I was in immediately. Inside it was
packed, people full of party. For some reason we started drinking
quarts, good recipe for madness. Much camera work done when a whole
troop of beauts jumped onto the stage. Proof that matieland is indeed
possibly still stuck in 1972 timewarp was found during Bok van Blerk's
'De La Rey', every modern day afrikaner's call to arms that makes Die
Stem sound like a Transkei nursery rhyme.
Well details start going sketchy; but eventually time was getting
late, stomaches needed pies and I needed to be at work in less than 6
hours time. If that's not a sign to move to Springboks, then I don't
know what is. Bizarrely, old man Harris is still running the show
there, so I managed to skip the queue again. Inside it was carnage,
party animals were running around at full tilt, the dance floor was
reminiscent of the maties rugby change room. I sought refuge in the
comfortable atmosphere of the Rhodesian Arms and a Guinness somehow on
the house. Then it was up to some serious moves on the dancefloor,
leaving only to refuel or to shake down the pole.
All in all it was another great night out, an absolute don't miss.
Three hours sleep, a cruddy McBreakfast, a drive to work and 8 hours
behind a computer - still well worth it.
Same time, same place,
next year, bring more beer.
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