Undercover brutha

Team Deep South finds itself on the wrong side of the equator this
week (yes the bath does drain the other way). If I follow the site
mantra that south is cool, then being this far North of the wors
curtain is indeed way too damn HOT! It's actually amazing how these
people survived before air-con, last Thursday I got to walk around
outside in 46'C..not cool at all.

I have to admit to selling my soul and working for a lame-ass company
where we follow the $$$'s, but because it's military and kinda hush
hush, that's all the details I'm prepared to divulge. If it helps,
then the final clue is that I did indeed have a McArabia happy meal
the other night, the kind of chow that makes Kagiso Khulani haute
cuisine.

Quite different being considered a businessman(as opposed to
peasant/scum), and the hotel is quite larney, there's even have an 8
lane bowling alley in the gym. Ahh, gym, my one last rock of normalcy
in this sea of odd odd culture. Now I've never had a gym contract
because I live in Cape Town, where the gym is fresh air, beautiful and
best of all, free. Gym only makes sense if you live in Joburg(too
dangerous outdoors), London(sh1t weather/no grass) or Stockholm(fit
Swedish iceprincesses). Luckily it's airconditioned, so the ambient is
only about 34'C. Five minutes on the spinner bike and it's all
sweatier than the Protea's changeroom before a WC semifinal. Quick
little hop and a skip to the treadmills with individual TV screens
20cm from your face and within an hour it's time for a swim.

Now I'm no Mark Spitz (but there is a resemblance as the razor hasn't
been touched in a while), but here I am the Greek god of swimming
(call me Pisces). "In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is
king", and so it goes with my ability to do 25 metres in less than a
minute. 6 laps of crawl without stopping for a break had a group of
onlookers already. I think I had them with the tumbleturns, but when
we started 'three stroke breathing cycles' the boys emptied the saunas
to watch from upstairs. I finished off with a length underwater, and
even if that's the highest point of aquatic career, then I'll die a
satisfied man.

The other activity that is quite foreign to me, but I'm almost forced
to do out of sheer boredom, is watch TV in my hotel room. The Boss was
right when he moaned about 57 channels, there's nothing ever on. I sat
through a season 2 episode of Prison Break, if he's such a legend, how
come this guy is still on the inside? I have however caught up on some
Discovery channel staples, and particularly enjoyed following some
imbeciles with more amex credit than braincells try climb Everest.
It's obvious why there's often multiple deaths up there these days,
stooopid stubborn tourists with limited mountaineering skills and it's
actually a dangerous place to start with. Makes sharkbaiting in False
Bay look like a game of Scrabble. There was one dude who summited as
the first dual. He's got nothing below each knee but some titanium
hardware connected to the self same crampons as the rest of the party.
I'm not too sure what the fuss is about, surely if it weighs less and
can't get frostbite it's gonna be an advantage?

Classic conversation of the trip:
Paki taxi driver: You from USA?
Me: no South Africa
Ptd: Jonty Rhodes!!!
Me: yes, Jonty Rhodes!
Ptd: I think you from USA...you look Walker Texas Ranger!
(much laughing followedby me rubbing my stubble and practising my
karate chop on his dashboard)