The good fetcher

So the super14 is indeed hotting up with the closest run in to the semis ever. Just the crusaders guaranteed of a play-off spot, and the canes, ‘tahs, stormers, sharks, blues and chiefs scrapping it out for the other three. There’s some wild permutations going around, and we could see the Sharks trying to leapfrog the Stormers on points difference as they are only nine behind. Luckily the comsci nerds watch rugby these days....so throw your permutations in here



Unfortunately the Stormers don’t have a chance of winning the competition, even if they do make it to the final four. That went out the window the second Schalk Burger was put on the injured list. There are still some readers of the game who pooh pooh his value to any team. Sure he’s got the worst disciplinary record ever, but most of the time its stuff that esq McCaw, Smith, Waugh et al get away with week in, week out. Maybe he has to shave his hair for the refs to stop targeting him. Maybe it’s karmic payback for that ridiculous OUTsurance stuff. He’s worth three players and the Stormers and Springboks are a different team without the Incredible Schalk (notice how the other two Schalks in the squad don’t get that title?).

There are a few things that you really don’t do if you value your existence on the planet. Like go trick or treating a warlord’s house. Stealing Ollie Le Roux’s hamburger. Telling Oprah she’s podgey.

Too bad for the gangsters who raped Schalk’s sister last week at UWC. They’re in big, big trouble, as we won’t have to wait for the Cops or the Scorpions to bring justice in due course. Schalk will hunt them down in the night and spear tackle them into mincemeat.

Might as well call Hannibal Lector’s mother a whore.

KnightRider

from the files of Michael Knight

 

In an effort to offset man's detrimental effect on the planet I rode to Steenberg last night. Being a former member of Lord Robert Baden Powell's little boys club, I went prepared. My plumber used some really strong silicone, so I left the kitchen sink in situ but little else was to chance. My 30l pack was crammed with lots of things I really didn't hope I'd be needing. If you took a look inside, you'd see a fabergé egg effect, as my 15l hydration pack was also there (it has all my bike stuff ready to go). Notable forgotten stuff? Spare tube, duct tape, whiskey.

So I rock up to the parking lot a fraction past seven fifteen nicely warmed up. Jacques and Greg are kitting up and rearing to go. We almost leave, but then double check if TimB is indeed joining the recce. The expected yesno answer is instead a maybe. He can't find his wallet. I get an instant chill down my spine, as I also left mine at home, until I realise I don't need it to ride. He's on an XTR wheelset you see, which if you read in the manual duly instructs you to pack your (now empty) wallet in with the ride. He does actually appear before we have solved any of the world's problems amidst a flurry of expletives, kid bashing and O-ring tossing. (now when Niels cried out for some new and original writing, I don't think a whole paragraph on TimB tardiness was on his hitlist, so I'll move on now).

Jacques has lost his Mojo and is feeling pap on his bike (yes he's still on a Giant, I was referring to the Austen Powers context) and it's suggested he's been overtraining and should chill out for a week or two and recharge. It's later revealed he's riding less than 5 hours a week anyway and endless theories on training, nutrition and muscle tone abound all the way to the Silvermine Gate. I've got to say that the Forest has got herself in beautiful nick right now; firm and forgiving, riding her is a pleasure. Good girl.

I field tested one of my brainwaves. Builder's Whorehouse have these dynamo self powered torches next to the till and they looked really bright and a superbly focussed. Put one on your helmet and the bob bob of riding will keep it bright? The test failed because a) they just weren't bright enough and b) they actually have two little watch batteries in them for oomph and the rechargeable output is a bit of pale squib.

On the way down my battery terminal came unstuck. I'm still working on an ideal set-up, good thing Greg waited for me to avoid the search party running around the forest. You do really need to shout STOP! when you last in line. If only I had items two and three on my forgotten list I would have sorted it much quicker.

Jacques' eyes lit up on the way down. I really like to have the extra light on your helmet to see round the corners and not just follow the handlebars. He has just a bar mounted daylighter and flies at 9.8m/s/s. Been a while since i've seen someone superman at meurants.

Grumbly tummies led us to (drumroll.........)Jack's in the village. Flatbreads were not had. That's because its in the singular, and i think i overdid the chillie a bit. If you know what I mean.

Stella was there indeed. I'm just giving our tall blonde waitress the name Stella for now. She's way better than that big boned mesomorph with the sleeveless top. Who got the bill, what's her name again?

When I pulled into the palace a fraction before midnight, there was no apparent concern from still awake flatmates. No searchparty, not even a call to Mountain Men to amber light the sniffer dog team. It appears going out riding for five hours in inclement and dark weather is not considered unusual behaviour. Must be doing something right there.

how to really irritate me

ok, this has rankled me for a while and i just want to say f#$% off to whoever started it.

 

so the modern kid has about 10 places with a username (at least). Of course they all have a password attached. Cool, so the privacy is guaranteed. But how are you supposed to remember 10 unique passwords? you don't, obviously you have the same one.

 

password crap that piss me off big time:

a)when they tell you to change your password. f@#$ you d00s, it's mine, i'll decide if it's expired or not

b)insisting on their own special rules (for the users safety). negating any chance of keeping the same password for everything.

 

here's two recent examples:

SARS efiling. secondly the password had so many special conditions, that it might as well be a random string of characters. i think i chose "2$Stripper69"

firstly, they generate a ridiculous login name for you that is so hard to remember itself (ie. joesoap1429). you have to remember that to get your password. your ID number is not really yours. Well i wrote it down somewhere, and will be phoning call centre of fun to get it back next time again.

 

virgin money internet banking:

Rules to create your Password
		1The Password is alphanumeric (comprises both letters and numbers), for example Coffee2
		2Your new Password should be 8 to 12 Characters
		3Your Password is case sensitive. For example: Coffee
		4No special characters or spacing is allowed */?-&%$#@!<>:^(.)
		5Choose a Password that is easy to remember, but that nobody else is likely to guess
		6Your own name or sequences will not be allowed, for example John1234

 

I tried a million new passwords, all of them got rejected as not following the 'rules'. of course they don't say which 'rule' it violates so you don't have a clue.

Hilariously the first three rules all have examples that violate each other.

So it looks like 5 and 6 f@#$ed me over, the only thing that i could get to work? Password1 - the example they give. tried changing it too.

 

clearly the only way to get around this is to save your passwords. which kinda negates the point of them in the first place.

 

it's the right thing to do

 

It works everytime. Especially in my varsity days in matieland, where everyone is a cheapskate due to the low price of alchohol (which just forces you to spend all your money on it).

Go to a mate's flat complex and, whilst you are waiting for them to get their ducks rowed, you just push a random button on the intercom.

Random: "Hello, who's there?"

You: "TV licence inspector, can we come up please?"…….

Random will come up with a myriad of excuses, normally along the lines of :

"we don't have a tv"

You: "well according to our records you do"

When the random is really freaking out, you throw in a:

"that's okay, someone has just opened the gate, I'm coming up to inspect"

mwha ha ha, rest assured there's a quick game of hide the TV going on in the little flat.

Ahhh, good times. Now life really has progressed, judging by what rocked up in my mailbox the other day. My name was preceded by ADMIR. For the life of me, I could not remember what ADMIR was. In a spate of good citizenship last year, I paid for a TV licence. Of the 50 or so titles, Admiral was chosen (Jedi Knight not being on the list). I'm sure it'll come to bite me sometime, but until then I'm running the ship.

Now what on earth incensed me to pay for a TV license when I don't watch the damn thing much? Well, it's the right thing to do and doesn't really break the bank to be honest. There are of course a few things worth watching these days anyway on 'free to air'.

50/50 is gone. But not without a fight. After 20+ years on the station, the longest running show was canned last month. Monday night was their final slot, and the closing season was great, with the 'best of' veldfokus over the years. Just imagine all the brilliant videos and stills in those archives…well the snapshot they showed us was awesome. Getting rid of Dali and Vusi is hardly justification for them scrapping this national treasure, but it's a start.

Jericho is gone. Gill will never be the same, but Wednesday night now has this Prison Break thing.

The LAB II. The LAB was the best ever South African produced show (including all DSTV/MNET stuff). Took them a while to bring it back and they have shifted it to Sunday night SABC3 prime at 8pm just to show how highly it's rated. Monty, Jaws and Mingus et al are all still there in this brilliant high stakes business drama set in the unique environment that is the Jozi boardroom. This is our LA Law, but with BEE issues. I missed the first episode, but will make an effort to watch the rest, it's worth it.

The Indie is gone

Wow, talk about a snippet of k@k news. The Independant Armchair Theatre in Obs has had to close. Laden with debt and being unable to conform to noise regualtions led to the plug getting pulled this week. Who could forget Corne and Twaks performing with not a square inch of available floor? Chiaroscuro's reunion show. There are plenty of good times (not to mention the Monday night pizza and a movie D*E*A*L). For me it has to be the multiple 'Jane Says' performances. Yeah Froman rocking and cocking out in a real band. Rent a crowd jumping around like they just won Lipton Cup. Going all gypsey with their Caravan and never leaving with out an encore. Matt probably recorded all those shows, must get my paws on 'em. There's no talk of a even a goodby party, as it's already been closed for a month 'due to renovations', but I can of course I have a little entertainment for your bandwidth. It's Unit.R, and the megaphone song.

broadband


dial-up

Why do you build me up, build me up?

ok, thanks all for ther frantic calls of worry, Yes i am still alive and kicking. And no i did not go to any far flung corner of the world during the holiday week either (does losing my DIRTginity count?)

BEFORE

I've been rather busy, building a double garage. For the benefit of our international viewers, that actually means i have paid a whole bunch of dudes to put some bricks and cement in a pile on a corner of my plot. All i physically do is get stuff (like cement, hoop iron and money).

There's a hole in my garden, dear Lisa, dear Lisa.
It's coming along, I almost bounced a check last week (will happens for sure this time, as I'm moving money around faster than Don Corleone). But it appears i have not beaten the winter rain. oh bad.

ooooh, is that a wall i see?

The other news is that i have a lot on the go, so much to write about but battling to get forefingers to keyboard, but hang in there. I could start with the being on a firstname basis with all the ladies at Builder's Whorehouse (love a hardware store open till 7pm), or the dramam with the bircks, or the sand, or the rubble, or the scaffold, or the windows, or the inspector, or making it too small to fit my car. but let's wait and see.

come together, ..right now!
BUTTERCUPS!