The Deep South Diaries: Uncle Jager hits the vlei

Oh wow, another year rolls by. I know that because kids are talking about the UCT yacht club opening cruise. They have about five of these each year, but the only one that counts is the first one. It has many highlights, I'm torn between the boat bashing and subsequent burning and the surplus semester abroad yank skanks that always get punished.

The boat burning is a goodie, as an old dog of a hull is found, decimated by bent laser sections and then lit. Invariably some idiot gets impatient and pours 5l of petrol on and then tries to impress girls by jumping over the flames. I'd like to see some jump bikes to be honest. We'll also bnever forget the time a wooden boat couldn't be found. Fibreglass makes thick, black smoke. You could call it nigerian.

Then well, where do we start with the skanks? They get enticed at O-week sign up, have a huge party. Throw name and never return. Maybe they feel a little disappointed when Snailman refers to it as a 'Lake', when the rest of us know it is a green slimy receptacle where the gangs dump their targets. Maybe they come in search of man-whore Gabriel, whose fourgasm is talk of legend.